You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
