Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
