Jerry, you need to find god
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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