Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
