Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
