I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
