We need to rekindle our bromance
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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