Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
