Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
40s are totally the cure
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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