break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
