I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
