I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
