he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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