Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
