i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
