I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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