I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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