I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
