I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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