she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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