so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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