Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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