My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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