he puts the penis in happiness.
is wine microwaveable?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
