The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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