I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
