I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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