my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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