I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he thought i was a dude.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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