All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
