Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
