never play flip cup with pint glasses
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
