i permit you to call me
This girl is more easily done than said...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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