i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
