So gin and wine won't be happening again
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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