yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
