I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
