would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
