dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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