So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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