that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
