I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
