I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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