Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
