and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
