He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
