Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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