...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
