It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
