Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
