I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
