someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
