I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she peed on how many people?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
